


Reaching for the Moon

by Tim (boywonder)



Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2007-07-21
Updated: 2007-07-28
Packaged: 2017-10-03 21:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boywonder/pseuds/Tim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Byakuya makes a mistake, and Renji doesn't understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Byakuya stood on the bridge over a river. He was on the edge of the Kuchiki family property. He thought idly that he might want to head back. It was late, and there were things that _had_ to be done in the morning. He didn’t quite feel like returning to his duties _just_ yet, though, no matter how important they might have been.

He felt his Vice-captain approaching long before the footsteps were audible. His mouth twitched slightly. Renji’s presence here was far from unwelcome, but it wasn’t exactly something that he should have allowed so readily. There would be no consequences for it, of course, so he did nothing to stop it. For now, at any rate.

Renji walked up and stood to the left of Byakuya, a few feet away. He wasn’t actually standing _behind_ his Captain, this time, however. He didn’t look at Byakuya, not wanting to risk annoying him further than he undoubtedly already was, but he _did_ go so far as to rest his hand on the railing as well.

Byakuya could feel reiatsu pour off of Renji like a tidal wave. A million conflicting emotions, as always. But as their hands nearly touched, there was one he hadn’t bothered to notice before – _desire_.

He pulled his own hand back, almost too quickly, and let it rest at his side. His eyes darkened as he turned to Renji.

“There is no reason for you to be here, _fukutaichou_,” he said.

The other man looked out at the river, a smirk threatening to break across his face. “Really?”

Byakuya was less than impressed with the response. His eyes darkened _just_ slightly. "What do you want, Renji?" he asked, affecting an air of total disinterest.

Renji sort of shrugged. He hadn't really planned anything out. He mostly just wanted to see if Byakuya would bother to act any different if there was no one around. So far, there was absolutely _nothing_ in his captain's manner that had changed.

"Nothing, really," he said, knowing it was the wrong answer but not wanting to keep the captain waiting.

Byakuya turned away and began to walk back toward the manor. Annoyance surrounded him for a moment, daring Renji to follow him.

Renji hesitated for a minute, knowing that there could be consequences he wasn't really prepared for. In the end, however, he decided that maybe it didn't matter. He caught up to Byakuya and fell into step behind him and slightly to the side. He always had to catch himself to make sure he didn't walk too fast. It wasn't really good for the Vice-captain to be beside the Captain. At least, not when the Captain in question was Kuchiki Byakuya.

Byakuya didn't bother to look back. He didn't need to. Even without feeling it, he had known Renji would follow him. In a sense, he had provoked such a response, and he knew that. But he wasn't going to have any of this go any way but his own, and if Renji didn't know that yet, then he would learn soon.

The walk back to the house was uneventful, to say the least. Byakuya never once looked back at Renji, and Renji didn't dare to walk directly beside him, as aggravating as it was.

Renji was left to his thoughts as they walked. He remembered the first time he had laid eyes on Byakuya. He had immediately envied him for his power. His number one goal, even now, was to surpass him - a goal he was _sure_ he would one day achieve. But the more time he'd spent in his Captain's presence after becoming his Vice-captain, the more he'd realized that there was more to Byakuya's power than just sheer force. There was something untouchable about the Captain, some core inside him that no one seemed to reach. Rukia was lucky enough to become his adopted sister, but Renji knew, even without ever speaking to her, that she wasn't able to reach him, either. He held himself above and apart from everyone and everything. Only the slight changes in his reiatsu served to let anyone know if his mood had changed at all. At first, Renji had been convinced that Byakuya didn't feel anything emotionally. But as time passed, he became more uncertain. He wanted to force the Captain to feel something. _Anything_. And there was no better time than the present, right?

They finally reached the house. Byakuya turned to face Renji again, and the Vice-captain noticed that they were at a side entrance. No one else seemed to be around, and Renji was visibly confused.

"I will give you one hour to convince me you have a reason to be here," Byakuya said, tonelessly. He turned and walked into the house, leaving the door open to allow Renji to follow, if he would.

Renji was almost dumbfounded by Byakuya's actions. What the hell was going on, anyway!? Maybe he'd judged Byakuya wrong, after all? He shook himself out of it and followed Byakuya into the house, making sure to shut the door behind him as was undoubtedly expected, determined to do....something....to show him that there was a reason for this.

Byakuya never bothered to even look back over his shoulder. He knew that Renji would follow him. He just _knew_. He led the way down the dimly lit hallway to a bedroom on one side. There were no other doors in the hallway, and Renji couldn't help but wonder why there was just the one room. He didn't ask, of course. He'd gotten accustomed to _not_ asking Byakuya questions. The Captain wasn't really the type who would deign to answer.

Renji followed him into the bedroom, sliding the door closed behind them, more out of habit than anything else. Byakuya crossed his arms and looked at the redhead, expressionless as ever. There was a _slight_ change in the Captain's reiatsu, but Renji couldn't figure out quite what it meant.

"Well?" Byakuya asked.

Renji stared at him, not sure what he was supposed to do. He knew what he _wanted_ to do, and he was about ninety-nine percent sure that the Captain would never allow it. But then again, he _had_ said he'd give him an hour, so....

_Oh, what the hell,_ Renji thought. He'd never been one to give too much thought to consequences, when they'd only affect himself, so he let go of his caution and moved toward the Captain. He closed the distance between them and hesitated for a moment before placing a hand on the other man's cheek.

It took more effort than Byakuya had thought it would take to remain unmoving. He was more than a little annoyed to find that his own desire almost mirrored Renji's, rising unbidden. He knew he should pull away from the touch, but he did not.

Renji wet his lips, obviously unsure if he could actually carry this any further without express permission from his Captain. Byakuya found his eyes watching the redhead's mouth and he was even more annoyed with himself for that.

Finally, Renji moved his hand, tilting Byakuya's chin up slightly. He met with no resistance, and felt encouraged by that. He leaned down and let his lips meet Byakuya's. He had thought to go slowly, but as soon as their mouths met, he realized what the change in Byakuya's reiatsu had been. He could feel the desire there, plain as anything, and his tongue slid past the Captain's lips and into his mouth.

Byakuya was shocked, both by the forwardness of the kiss and by the force of his own now-unmasked desire. He jerked away and stepped back, out of Renji's reach.

He turned away and put one hand to his mouth. He could feel his face flush, just slightly, and tried to regain his composure, with only mild success.

"Renji. This is a mistake," he said, his tone impressively even.

Renji gaped at him, though his back was turned. "What the hell!? When did an hour turn into ten seconds?" he demanded, forgetting how he was _supposed_ to act around Byakuya.

"Do not make me repeat myself," Byakuya said. His words were only _slightly_ hurried. Anyone who didn't know him well wouldn't have caught it. But Renji had spent enough time in his presence to notice.

He glared daggers at the Captain's back, willing him to turn back around. "What the hell are you afraid of?"

Byakuya _did_ turn back around at that, angrily. He did not usually lose his temper, but Renji had pushed more than one of his buttons. "This is entirely improper. You are nothing more to me than my subordinate, and we should act accordingly. No one looks kindly on misconduct." His words were as soft and even as ever, but there was a bite to them that Renji had never heard before. He _knew_ that Byakuya was afraid of something regarding this, but he didn't really care about that. He could feel his own anger flaring up at being treated this way.

"Just a subordinate!? Are you shitting me?" Renji said, all but yelling the words. He could feel Byakuya's reiatsu flare around him, threatening to push him out of the room simply from the force of it. He stood against it, but he wasn't at a point where he'd be able to resist this forever. He knew it, and he knew that the Captain knew it.

Despite that, Renji moved back over to Byakuya, as fast as he could manage with the Captain so angry, and put both his hands on Byakuya's face. He stared into the other man's dark eyes and saw the fire in them. This was what he'd wanted, really; he'd wanted to make Byakuya _feel_. And if all he could get him to feel was pissed off, then fine. He could handle that.

Their mouths met again. Byakuya had seen it coming a mile away, though he did nothing to stop it. Letting Renji kiss him felt like standing on a cliff's edge and feeling the rocks start to slip under his feet. He struggled with his own treasured self-control, trying to force the aloof facade to come back. It wasn't happening.

Byakuya's arms came up around Renji. His hands tightened in the cloth of the taller man's uniform for a minute as their tongues danced. Byakuya was not one to give up control, however. He did not push Renji away, but he _did_ take control of the kiss, letting _his_ tongue be the one to do the exploring.

Renji's arms wrapped easily around Byakuya. The Captain's anger faded, for the most part, and the kiss stretched on, hungrier than Renji would have thought it would be.

Finally, Byakuya pulled away and let go of Renji entirely. He looked into his Vice-captain's eyes and Renji saw a sadness there that he had failed to notice before. He suddenly felt concern for the Captain, though he couldn't say _why_. There really was so much about Byakuya that he didn't know.

"Taichou..." he began, but Byakuya shook his head.

"No. Renji, I cannot do this."

"Why? Who will know? Who would _care_?"

Byakuya _stared_ at him. How little he knew! "It does not matter. This cannot continue. I was wrong to bring you here. You must forgive me for that. Please leave now."

He turned away again, making his point clear. Renji glared at him again, but he couldn't bring his anger back entirely. He was puzzled by the sadness he had found in Byakuya's gaze. It had been almost _fathomless_, and Renji wanted to comfort him, to keep him safe and held away from whatever had caused it. But Byakuya would have none of it.

"Please leave," he said again, more insistent.

Renji realized that it wasn't an order. It was a request. He moved over to Byakuya and moved to place a hand on his shoulder. In the end, he didn't. He simply nodded, as if the Captain could see.

"...All right, Taichou. But I'm not going to let this go so easily," he said. He turned, then, and left, closing the door behind him.

Byakuya's eyes slid closed. He walked over to the bed and sat down on it, burying his face in his hands. He could not imagine what had come over him to allow this impropriety in the first place. He had not realized the extent of his feelings toward his Vice-captain until tonight. He had thought about this sort of thing before. He knew Renji would have no objections; the redhead was certainly not _subtle_. But he should not have allowed it at all. He had thought that he could handle it, but once the feel of it had hit him full-force, it was....it was too much, and far too fast. He could lose himself in this feeling too easily, and that would not do.

He wanted to vow never to let anything like this happen between them again, but he had not missed Renji's words before he left.

_I'm not letting this go._

Byakuya sighed. He wondered how long he could simply avoid Renji. Of course, that was a silly thought. He couldn't avoid his own Vice-captain, even if he wanted to. He'd just have to keep his perfect porcelain mask in place a little better from now on.

Though, he had the feeling that it was going to change nothing. There was that _kiss_ between them now, and the memory of their tongues dancing so fiercely. He knew Renji would prove true to his word on the subject, and that left him, for once, at somewhat of a loss.

He shook his head and thought of the last inappropriate relationship he'd had. He had loved Hisana, there could be no doubts of that. What he felt for Renji...it was much different. He didn't know how to handle it properly, so he would do the next best thing.

He would simply...ignore it. That, he was sure, was his only option.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Byakuya makes an even bigger mistake.

Although it was not easy, Byakuya had been avoiding Renji as much as he could manage for the past few weeks. It had irked Renji at first, but now that had grown into something that was close to rage. Every time he actually saw Byakuya, he could feel that rage rise. How could the Captain seriously just ignore him so easily!?

Really, he wasn't so mad at Byakuya as he was at himself. He hated that it was so easy for the Captain to forget because he, himself, could _not_ forget. All he could think about, alone in his bed at night, was the feeling of Byakuya's arms around him so fiercely, and the taste of his mouth. He had wanted _so much more_ than just that kiss. He'd wanted to make him react, and he'd taken the anger that he'd earned...but he wanted that other reaction again. He wanted to taste that desire. And the Captain was making it harder and harder to catch him alone. Renji was sure it was on purpose.

It was.

Byakuya had been careful not to do anything that might allot himself any time alone with his Vice-captain. It wasn't as Renji thought; Byakuya had not forgotten. In fact, quite the opposite was true. But he had learned long ago how to hide his emotions, even from himself.

However, he knew he could not distance himself from his own Vice-captain forever. If he withdrew from Renji entirely, there would be just as much talk as there would if someone knew about the kiss they had shared. It was a thin line that he had to walk, to keep up appearances. When he was younger, it had been tiring, but it was second nature to him now. He could easily gauge how to react to a certain situation, and this was the best method of damage control for this one, as far as he could see.

He had pushed back the inevitable for some time now, but there were things that had to be done, and he couldn't let everything simply pile up. And so it was that he finally sent for Renji to have a meeting, well within the bounds of protocol. Yes, they would be alone, but it was an office, and that was not quite as alone as they'd been the last time. Byakuya had convinced himself that it would run smoothly. At least, as smoothly as possible. He knew how Renji could be, but that didn't change his mind. No matter how it went, it was necessary. Vice-captains did have duties to perform, after all.

Renji, for his part, thought about not showing up, just to push the Captain's buttons. Not that the stoic Captain was so easily annoyed, but _still_. In the end, he decided not to push it. Who knew what boring, menial chore Byakuya would conjure up if he didn't show up. That wasn't exactly the kind of button-pushing that Renji had in mind.

He didn't bother knocking when he got to Byakuya's office. He opened the door and walked in as if he belonged there. And didn't he, at that?

Byakuya did not look up from his desk. He was a little irritated that the redhead would simply burst in unannounced, but he knew better than to think better of a commoner, really. While it was true Renji was a worthy Vice-captain, there was something to be said for breeding.

"What did you want to see me for, Taichou?" Renji asked, trying to sound entirely disinterested. He only half succeeded.

Byakuya glanced over at him, then back down at his work. It took him a full minute to put down the papers he was overlooking and actually acknowledge Renji. He sat up and leveled his gaze at Renji for the first time in weeks.

Their eyes met, and Renji felt heat scream through him. Byakuya felt it too, flowing off of Renji. His eyes widened, just slightly, but he did not look away. He could keep up this pretense if he tried hard enough. He _had_ to.

Renji licked his lips without meaning to and Byakuya's eyes fell to his mouth for a minute. The Captain finally looked away.

He cleared his throat and gestured to a pile of paperwork at the end of the desk. "You have work to do, that is all," he said, a little coldly.

Renji glared at him. "You called me in here to pick up _paperwork_?"

Byakuya stood up and turned away, walking over to the window and looking out at the streets of Seireitei below them. "You will not neglect your duties because you are cross with me. I won't have it."

Renji felt the rage rise in him again and snorted. "I haven't been. Maybe you'd notice that if you actually paid attention to me at all."

"I am well aware of what you are doing and when you are doing it," Byakuya replied, not turning around.

"I'm not doin' it," Renji said, feeling rebellious in his anger.

The Captain did turn back to face him, then, one eyebrow cocked in a way that Renji really hated. He wanted to watch that arrogance drain from Byakuya's face in the worst way. It would be nice if it was in defeat, sure, but it would be even nicer if it was because of some deeper, baser thing than that. He remembered the way Byakuya had looked at him after they had kissed, almost showing vulnerability. There had been none of his arrogance _then_.

"Whether you want to act like a child or not is your decision, _Abarai-fukutaichou_, but if you fail to complete your work on time, I am not the one that will hand down the consequences."

Renji crossed his arms and kept glaring. "Don't care. Not doing it."

Byakuya shook his head, just slightly, and moved back over to his desk. "As you wish. I have nothing further to say to you."

Renji stared at him open-mouthed. He knew Byakuya was cold to the point of being callous, but he couldn't stand to have his _Captain_ treat him like he was nothing. He'd worked his ass off to get this far, and he wasn't going to let Kuchiki Byakuya step on his pride like that.

He stormed over to the desk and slammed his hands down on it, scattering the papers Byakuya had set there for him all over the floor. Byakuya had not sat back down yet, so it wasn't as effective as it might otherwise have been. But that didn't really matter to Renji.

He felt the change in the Captain's reiatsu that threatened to turn into anger spark around him. But Byakuya had a bit more control than that. Letting his anger get the best of him would affect more than just Renji. There were plenty of other Shinigami in the building, of varying ranks, and Byakuya would not let anyone else feel his anger this way.

"Abarai Renji," he said, turning to face the redhead from the other side of the desk, "you _will_ clean this up before you leave."

"I'm not doing shit until you actually look at me!" Renji said, managing not to raise his voice _too_ much.

Much to his surprise, Byakuya _did_ look at him. "Do you think that you can order me around? Your childish urges are not my problem, and they will not _become_ my problem. You will clean this up, regardless of what _I_ do. And you will _not_ defy me again, or there will be consequences."

"Oh, to hell with consequences!" Renji said, standing up straight again. "You're so concerned about everyone else. But what about _our_ consequences!?"

Byakuya blinked once, at that. "What are you talking about?"

Renji crossed his arms again. "You think that what happened before just has no effect at all? Maybe it doesn't have any effect on you, but it sure as hell has one on me! I told you I wasn't gonna let it go that easy, didn't I?"

Byakuya felt something that was both hot and cold settle in the middle of his chest. He had known that this would come, eventually. Renji was too hotheaded for his own good, and he did not deal well with being ignored.

"Renji. That night was a mistake, I have already told you."

"Taichou," Renji said, his tone softening a little. "I know you think that, but I don't care! You're all I can think about, do you know that!? How the hell can you ignore me every single day? It's making me crazy!"

Byakuya was a little shocked by Renji's half-confession. In truth, he had thought about the kiss they had shared, as well, but he could not afford to dwell on it. Did one kiss really mean so much to Renji that he simply could not forget it?

The Captain turned away and went back to the window. He drew the shade, wanting a greater measure of privacy for this discussion, and turned back to regard his Vice-captain. He kept his voice level and aloof as always when he spoke.

"What do you want from me, Renji?" he asked, with seeming disinterest.

Renji shook his head. It wasn't as simple as telling Byakuya what he wanted from him. He certainly couldn't tell him what he'd been thinking about, in the middle of the night, when the memory of how the Captain felt in his arms burning in his brain like wildfire. His face colored at _that_ thought and he looked at the ground.

"I want you to stop ignoring me," he said. Working up his nerve again, he continued, "I want you to tell me what's so goddamn _wrong_ about it, too! You owe me fifty more minutes!"

Had he been anyone else, Byakuya might have laughed at the absurdity of that last statement. He owed Renji nothing. Not an explanation, and certainly not _time_. Of course, he did not laugh. Kuchiki Byakuya _never_ laughed.

"Ridiculous," he said, allowing himself to sound slightly annoyed, "I do not owe you anything."

Renji bridged the gap between them, as Byakuya had known he eventually would, and put his hands on the Captain's shoulders. Byakuya allowed it, against his better judgment, and looked up into Renji's eyes.

The redhead felt something he couldn't explain run through him. He had been mad when he'd walked over here, but just looking into Byakuya's eyes and standing this close to him...he couldn't find his anger anymore. It was puzzling, and he let go of the Captain and just stared back at him.

"Renji."

"Taichou."

Byakuya took a step back and shook his head. "Do not look at me that way!" he said, almost scolding. "I cannot give you what you're asking of me."

"You can't give me less than an hour of your time?" Renji asked, but his tone was more teasing than anything else.

Byakuya did not take it as such, and his eyes narrowed slightly. "No. I cannot. Certainly not here, not now..." he trailed off, knowing he shouldn't even allude that there would be another time. There would not. There _could not_. He turned away and reached up to put up the shade.

Renji reached out without thinking and wrapped his hand around the Captain's wrist, though not roughly. He felt it, then, that same feeling that he'd felt in the darkness, and he knew, suddenly, that Byakuya had not been ignoring him because he _forgot_.

Byakuya's eyes locked with Renji's. He meant to jerk his hand away, but he found he could not. He could not bring himself to move.

"Renji-" he began, but the redhead's mouth met his and cut off his words. At first, Byakuya tensed and made to step back again, but then Renji's arms were around him and he found it hard to stay focused on propriety.

He gave in to the kiss, letting Renji's tongue explore every inch of his mouth. The hunger was there, certainly, but it wasn't hunger that was driving the kiss. It was almost tender, really, and Byakuya found his own arms moving to encircle his Vice-captain. There was no fight for control this time. There was simply the languid dance of their tongues, letting the desire fade into the background, as if it was nothing more than a secondary player in this act.

The kiss broke, finally. Unexpectedly, it was Renji who stepped away from it.

He looked at the ground, inadequately, and said, "I'm sorry, Taichou."

Byakuya considered this, and told him, "No, you aren't."

Renji looked up, about to protest this, but at the look on Byakuya's face, he decided against it.

Byakuya sighed and went to sit back at the desk. He knew that he would not be able to escape this so easily. Renji was persistent, for one. And for two...for two, his own feelings in this situation were stronger than he had judged them to be. He knew this could not continue, and yet he was going to ensure that it did. It had been a long time since he had done anything that was even _remotely_ outside the lines of protocol, but it seemed that protocol was the last thing that applied here.

"One hour of my time," he said.

"...Taichou?" Renji asked, hesitantly. Was Byakuya really telling him what he thought he was telling him?

"I will give you one hour of my time, providing you keep your temper in check from now on. And providing you do not contest me further. But certainly not in the middle of the day, and certainly not here."

Renji's mouth went a little dry. He knew he'd been _way_ out of line here, but it seemed that Byakuya was willing to overlook that...and willing to actually give him something that was _almost_ an admission of his own. He knew, of course, that Byakuya might back out of it for whatever dark, secret reasons he had.

The redhead straightened and ventured, "How do I know you'll actually give me that?"

Byakuya bristled inwardly at that. He deserved it, perhaps, but that was beside the _point_. He let his eyes meet Renji's one last time, and answered, "You have my word. I will give you one full hour. However, if you think for one minute that any of this is not on my terms-"

"I'm not that stupid," Renji said, flatly, cutting him off. He moved to pick up the papers. He groaned inwardly at how many there were; more than usual, thanks to Byakuya's stubbornness, but he'd just have to deal with it.

Byakuya watched him for a moment before going back to his own work.

"Renji."

"Yeah, Taichou?"

"Put the shade back up before you leave. I will send for you when I am ready to do so."

Renji had to bite down to keep from telling the Captain he hoped it wasn't another two months before that time came. He pulled the shade back up and turned to leave.

"Uh, Taichou..."

"Later, Renji," Byakuya said, not looking up again.

Renji let out an exasperated sigh, but he didn't say anything else. There were some battles that just weren't worth fighting.

He left, shutting the door behind him. Something that might have turned into a smile on someone else's face played on Byakuya's lips for a split second before the Captain was once again absorbed in his work.

The meeting certainly could have gone worse.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Renji gets what he wants. Sort of.

Renji had been waiting impatiently for Byakuya to allow him the hour he had promised. A month slid by, and he was starting to think he'd have to go demand it. Not that that would go over well, but what choice did he have!? He wouldn't have expected someone with such high standards as Kuchiki Byakuya to break his word, but this was just getting ridiculous. The anticipation was killing him! The days were irritating and boring, and the nights, well. The nights were too long and too hot and too goddamn _lonely_. He wasn't so delusional as to think that the untouchable Captain was going to allow him to play out every desire he had. That would take _way_ longer than an hour, anyway. But Byakuya had to let him do _something_! The tension he felt just standing in the Captain's presence was maddening. This time, it was he who was avoiding Byakuya.

Byakuya had noticed Renji's impatience. He had thought idly of making him wait for a _very_ long time, but that would ultimately cause problems between them. Renji did not share his practiced self-restraint, to be sure. And in the end, Byakuya couldn't allow anything that would jeopardize anything for either of them to happen in a public place. He would have to concede, much as he did not wish to. Mostly, he had wanted to punish the Vice-captain for his brashness the last time they'd really been alone together. In a sense, he was punishing himself, as well. It would not do to wait too much longer, even if he wanted to.

Truth be told, Byakuya _wanted_ the time alone with Renji. It galled him to admit that to himself, but...it was the truth. He was good at hiding things, certainly, but this was like a tidal wave building between them. He could not allow something like this to shake the foundation of his world, and it certainly threatened to. And so he would allow it, this once. He had himself half-convinced that once would be enough to quell this desire. He had to believe that. The implication of more than once was more than he could ever possibly allow. The hard part would be making _Renji_ see that.

At last, Byakuya sent word to his Vice-captain that he wished to see him that night, during the darkest hour, in the same place that they had been alone that very first time. It was not the most fitting place, perhaps, but it would allow them privacy, if nothing else. There was a barrier in place there that would keep too much of their reiatsu from escaping. No one would be able to ask questions of them regarding the matter this way. Byakuya had to make sure all his bases were covered, after all.

Renji spent the day in a haze. The minutes ticked by slower than they ever had before. When we went out with Hisagi that evening, he had to make an excuse to bow out early. Going to see the Captain after he'd gotten too much liquor in him would probably be a decision he'd regret for a long time. He knew that his senpai didn't actually believe his excuses. If there had been more people out with them, it would have been harder. But Hisagi just gave him a reproachful look and told him he was missing out.

Renji went back to his own place and waited for the hours to tick by. He felt too hot, of course, but he couldn't let himself get so distracted. Not tonight. If he didn't show up, he was pretty sure Byakuya wouldn't think twice about denying him for the rest of forever. That was a thought he couldn't handle at _all_, so he managed. He wondered if Byakuya would be cooperative, or if he'd remain cold and aloof as always. It was a hard call to make, but at least thinking about it made the time pass marginally faster.

Finally, after about a million years of waiting, it was time to leave. Renji made his way to the Kuchiki property as fast as he could without drawing any attention to himself. It was hard not to just bolt there all the way. What if he was late? Would the Captain change his mind?

_I am thinking about this way too much_, he thought.

He had been a little afraid that he wouldn't be able to find the right entrance. This place was _huge_. He wondered how anyone avoided getting lost, really. In the end, it wasn't _that_ hard to find it. All he had to do was feel for Byakuya. Luckily for him, Byakuya was standing outside the door, and, therefore, outside the barrier that had been put in place. Not that Renji would know about the barrier, but...

Renji slowed his steps, even though he could feel his blood racing faster just at the _feeling_ of the Captain's nearly cold reiatsu. He followed it around the side of the building and managed to walk up to Byakuya as if this was just anytime, any day. As if he wasn't already undressing him in his mind. As if he didn't feel like he'd go insane before they ever got inside.

"Yo, Taichou," he said. He could see the slight frown Byakuya gave him at the informality - a practiced gesture. So much about Byakuya was simply well-rehearsed movements and hidden feelings. Renji knew that only slightly more now than he did a few months ago. Byakuya was willing to give him time, but he was _not_ willing to actually reveal himself. There were some masks that simply could not be removed, after all.

"Fukutaichou," Byakuya replied, cooly. He said nothing further; he simply turned and walked into the house, expecting Renji to follow him. Of course, the redhead did so. He was sure that he wasn't hiding his eagerness at all, but that was just too damn bad. So what if Byakuya knew? He'd know soon enough anyway.

The room they finally entered was only slightly familiar to the redhead. He remembered being here, sure, but more than that he remembered the fervor of their first kiss, and that strange, fathomless sadness in his Captain's eyes. Hopefully there would be none of the latter this time.

The door closed behind them, and Renji reached for Byakuya without bothering with pretense. Byakuya allowed it, but he turned his head when Renji bent to kiss him, leaving Renji with half a mouthful of hair.

The redhead made a face and pulled back. "Taichou...?"

Byakuya looked up into Renji's eyes and extracted himself artfully from his arms. "What do you want from me tonight, Renji?" he asked, ignoring the questioning tone in the Vice-captain's voice.

Renji's mouth went dry. As if he could really tell _Byakuya_ all the dirty things he'd been thinking about him in the last month or more! He shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts, and moved to kiss the Captain again. It was easier to show him than to tell him. Anyone else, he probably could have told, but not Byakuya. He just couldn't do it. Not yet.

Byakuya gave into the kiss this time. Renji's desire flowed over him, reinforcing his idea of the tidal wave. Though, it was hard to think of Renji associated with something like that. It was more like a liquid flame, in the end, and Byakuya could feel that flame kindling his own long-ignored desires.

Their tongues danced again, though this time there was no languor there. There was fire and hunger and _passion_, a thousand unspoken things. Renji's arms tightened around Byakuya. It was all he could do not to undress him _right then_. He had a feeling that wouldn't get such a good response, so he settled for the kiss and prayed Byakuya wasn't counting the seconds.

Byakuya let his arms come up around Renji and slide up, albeit a little tentatively, over the material of his uniform and higher. The kiss deepened ever further, and Byakuya's hands found the knot in the band that was holding Renji's hair up. He undid the knot as if it were nothing at all, and Renji actually pulled away from the kiss, surprised.

The Captain watched as Renji's hair fell around him, reminding him again of that image of liquid fire. The surprise on Renji's face faded, and he pulled Byakuya back to him. This time, however, he didn't kiss his mouth. He moved, running his kisses down, following the other man's jawline. He kissed his neck, sucking gently at the flesh there. Byakuya relaxed _just_ slightly into his touch for a minute before pulling away again.

Renji looked at him questioningly and Byakuya told him, "You _will_ be careful not to leave any marks."

The redhead hadn't even thought of such a thing. He definitely knew better than that! Though the thought of leaving a bruise was sorely tempting, now that Byakuya had mentioned it. He wondered how long it would take to leave a mark on Byakuya's pale porcelain skin...

Byakuya moved away and left him with his thoughts for a moment, retreating into a far corner of the dark room. Renji found himself wishing that there was more light in here, but he didn't dare to ask Byakuya for that much. Again, he hoped that the Captain wasn't counting seconds. If he was, this sure wasn't going to go anything like Renji had imagined it.

At length, Byakuya came back over to him. His hair was loose, now, too. There was enough light to see _that_ much. Renji had never seen him with his hair loose like that, and there was something undeniably intoxicating about it. It took something of the haughty edge away from Byakuya's features. It didn't exactly make him seem more _vulnerable_, but it certainly made him seem more _beautiful_. Not that he had needed help with that.

Renji realized he was staring and forced himself to look down. That didn't help matters much, really. His eyes travelled over Byakuya's form, and all he could think about was how much he wanted to see him naked. If he was that pretty with all his clothes _on_, it had to be mindblowing to see him completely undressed.

"Renji."

Renji's head lifted again, and his eyes jerked back up to Byakuya's face. "Taichou."

"Answer my question," he said. It didn't quite sound like an order, but there was no doubt in Renji's mind that it was one.

He moved closer to the Captain and wrapped his arms around him, but didn't move to kiss him again. Byakuya stood there in his embrace, unmoving, waiting for his order to actually be followed.

Renji bent his head so that he could talk into Byakuya's ear. Maybe it would be easier to actually say something if he didn't have to see the Captain looking at him with those _eyes_. Byakuya felt so incredibly _perfect_ in his arms, even when he refused to give in.

"I want whatever you'll give me," he said. He could almost _sense_ Byakuya's annoyance at that, but he ignored it. He couldn't have stopped the words once he started anyway, so he just kept talking. "Taichou, you're all I think about at night. I get so hard I can't think straight, and I just want you _so much_..."

Byakuya's reiatsu flashed with surprise at that, and Renji suddenly realized what he had _said_. He let go of the other man and stood there, inadequately, his face going almost as red as his hair.

The Captain was speechless. No one had ever _dared_ to speak to him that way, of course. He would never have tolerated it. And yet, the way Renji had said those words, as if confessing...could he really have expected anything different? He supposed he could not have. He wasn't _angered_ by the words, he was just surprised. Perhaps he would encourage them, even...._no_. He couldn't think that way. It was certainly beneath him!

He stepped closer to Renji and reached up, entwining his fingers in the other man's hair, and pulled him back down. Their mouths met, and Renji forgot everything he'd said except the part about how _hard_ he was. He couldn't stand it. Having Byakuya so close and so apparently _willing_ was making him crazier than being kept at arm's length ever could.

His hands moved between their bodies, fumbling with the ties that held the Captain's uniform shut. They were easy enough to untie, really, and he let his hands slide inside the loosened haori, finally, _finally_ running along Byakuya's skin. He had half expected the Captain's body to be as cool as his attitude, but he couldn't have been more wrong. Byakuya's skin felt almost _too_ warm, echoing everything Renji wanted.

He could feel the Captain tense under his touch and his hands stilled.

Byakuya pulled his mouth away from the kiss, but he did not pull away entirely. Renji wondered at his uncertainty. He let his hands slide away from Byakuya's body, much as he didn't want them to, and moved them to rest on either side of his face.

"Taichou..." he said, softly, all but moaning the word.

"Renji, I..." Byakuya began, not meeting the redhead's eyes. This was harder for him than he could admit. He was still desperately trying to hold onto his original thought that one time was going to suffice. It was fast becoming obvious that that was not the case. It wasn't that he didn't _want_ it. It was that he didn't know if he _could_. Too many years had passed since he'd made his promise to follow the rules. While it was true that this was not a _direct_ violation, it certainly was not something that was condoned. An hour would not be long enough to break down all his carefully constructed barriers. He had known that before he had ever agreed to this, really, but it was not entirely fair that Renji did not.

Renji's arms went back around the Captain and he went back to kissing his neck. "Please don't tell me no now. I'll go crazy. I want you. I want you more than anything."

Byakuya felt desire rise anew at those words, whispered heatedly against his skin. "Renji..." he breathed.

And then they were kissing again, fervently, as if this hour was the last hour they would ever have. Byakuya's uncertainty had not faded, to be sure, but it had dimmed slightly with this fresh rush of lust that burned through both of them.

Renji's hands found their way back inside Byakuya's clothes, wrapping around him this way instead. He moved him, steering him toward the bed in the middle of the room. Surprisingly, Byakuya let it happen, obliging him by sitting on the edge of the bed when his legs hit it. Renji pushed the other man's clothing open further and pulled his mouth away from Byakuya's. He kissed his way down Captain's neck, not stopping this time, and let his hands slide up the sides of his torso. Byakuya's hands clenched in Renji's clothing, unable to do anything more. He knew he should stop the redhead, but his hands and his _mouth_ and...

Renji kept kissing him, along his collarbone and down his chest. He could feel him tense again and again under his mouth and he loved it. Sure, it wasn't what he'd been imagining in the late hours of the night, but it was close enough. There was no way he'd be getting anything if he pushed Byakuya too far. He knew he was walking a thin line as it was; the Captain's hesitation, while frustrating, wasn't something he could just brush off or force his way through, time limit or no.

He moved his mouth along the skin, finally moving over to one of the other man's nipples. He let his tongue slide across it, feeling it harden almost immediately. He hadn't expected Byakuya to be that _sensitive_, and he groaned a little at that revelation. He wondered what else he didn't know about Byakuya. His mouth closed over the flesh there, and he sucked gently at first, then a little harder, teasing with his tongue as he did so.

Byakuya felt his composure slip away from him and could not abide it any longer. He reached up and tangled his fingers in Renji's hair once more and pulled him away.

Renji looked up at his Captain, both surprise and annoyance plain on his face. Byakuya's eyes locked with his and he saw that sadness again. That was about the _last_ thing he'd wanted to see right at that moment.

"Renji, I cannot do this," Byakuya said, all but whispering the words into the darkness.

"What!? No, don't give me that crap! Why the hell can't you!?" The surprise faded from Renji's face, and the annoyance began to blossom into full-blown anger. How the hell could he be expected to take no for an answer _now_!?

Byakuya's eyes narrowed at his Vice-captain and he let him go. "You don't understand what you're asking of me," he said, coldly, and stood up. Renji, however, didn't budge; Byakuya's action simply made it so they were standing closer together.

"Renji," Byakuya said, an edge to his voice. It was an order, and Renji knew it.

"No!" Renji shot back, heedless of the anger sparking through his Captain's reiatsu. "Tell me why you keep freaking out on me!"

Byakuya arched a brow in that way that Renji _hated_, and considered this for a minute. They were at a standoff. Byakuya was not one for physical violence unless truly pushed, but he was not one to be ordered around, either.

And yet...

Byakuya sighed and sat back down on the bed, pulling his haori closed around him again. He owed Renji an explanation, if nothing more.

"Renji, sit down," he said.

The redhead frowned and opened his mouth to contest the order, but shut it again. He sat on the bed next to Byakuya, watching as the Captain looked away from him. He was still incomparably beautiful, even with that lingering sadness dancing in his eyes, and Renji still _wanted_ him. He couldn't help it. But he didn't move to touch him. He didn't dare to.

"If you think I do not want you, you are wrong," Byakuya said, softly. It was a tone Renji had never heard before. It made him want to put his arms around the Captain again, but still, he did not dare to. Not yet. If he did that, he might not ever get this explanation - if that's what it even was.

"This is not exactly proper conduct, fukutaichou," Byakuya continued, though his tone remained soft. It was not a statement that required an answer, as far as he was concerned, and he continued, "I made a promise long ago that I would not break the rules. I cannot go back on my word."

"There's no rule against this!" Renji protested, immediately. He was sorry for it as soon as he said it, but it was _true_.

"No, there is not," Byakuya said, nodding slightly in agreement. "That does not make this any easier."

"Taichou..." Renji said, feeling helpless in this. This wasn't even an _argument_! He knew how to handle an argument, but not if the other person wasn't going to argue with him. What the hell was he supposed to do now!?

After almost a full minute of maddening silence, Byakuya turned to look at his Vice-captain again. "Grant me your patience, Renji, and I will give you what you want, when I am ready to do so."

Renji's mouth dropped open. With his usual lack of eloquence, he said, "...So that means you're not timing me anymore?"

Byakuya's eyes narrowed slightly, but he nodded, once, in acquiescence. "I am not timing you."

In a sense, this was an admission that he would allow this interaction to continue at another time, as well, though he would never come straight out and say it. If Renji did not realize that, then it was not his problem.

Renji couldn't believe what he was hearing. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to take advantage of the situation. It occurred to him for the first time that it was possible that Byakuya hadn't done this before. He knew the Captain had been married before, but that was to a _woman_. There was something thrilling about this revelation. Byakuya certainly wouldn't let just _anyone_ touch him.

The redhead reached out and brushed the loose strands of hair out of Byakuya's face and just looked at him. Their lips met again and he felt Byakuya give in to his kiss, though he was holding back a little. Renji didn't really care about that, and just kept kissing him. After a minute, he worked up the nerve to push the other man's clothes open _again_. Byakuya was only slightly less tense this time. Renji decided to ignore that, of course, and just let his hands move, enjoying the feeling of Byakuya's skin, smooth and perfect under his fingers.

This time, he didn't play around. Maybe it was time to try a more straightforward approach to this. He dropped his hands and pulled at the ties to the Captain's hakama, figuring he couldn't be any more denied than he already had been. Fuck patience.

Byakuya's hands caught Renji's wrists and he pulled his mouth away. "Renji..."

"You'll like it, Taichou, just let me touch you," Renji whispered. He didn't really think Byakuya was going to go for it, really. Indeed, Byakuya's hands tightened for a second before he let go. It wasn't _exactly_ permission, but it would do.

Renji's hands continued their work and the ties came loose. Renji moved, then, and knelt in front of his Captain. He wasn't sure if Byakuya was going to give into this, but he'd kind of learned that the only way to know what Byakuya would and would not do was to try it and see.

The redhead bent his head and kissed him right above where his hakama sat. He felt heat flood off of the Captain and felt goosebumps rise on his own skin. He pulled at the front of the hakama until they were loose enough for his liking. As much as he wanted to actually remove all the Captain's clothing and _look at him_, taking too much time seemed like a surefire way to get told to leave. So he'd settle for touching him now and looking at him later. Well, okay. He'd do more than just _touch_ him...if he got the chance.

Renji let his hand slide along the fabric of his Captain's hakama, moving between his legs without hesitation. He felt a thrill run through him at the hardness he found there, and he traced the shape of it through the cloth.

Byakuya clenched his jaw against the sound that threatened to escape. He managed to hold it back, but he was having a hard time allowing this to happen. How could he let this continue!?

Renji's hand moved again, then, and reached inside the Captain's hakama, wrapping lightly around his erection, and Byakuya suddenly became powerless to stop him from continuing.

The redhead looked up at Byakuya's face and couldn't help but feel triumphant. He'd wanted to make Byakuya feel, and he could tell - both from his expression and the sparks in his reiatsu - that he had _definitely_ accomplished that. Maybe he could break through Byakuya's barriers, after all. At least enough to suck his cock.

He moved his hand along the length of Byakuya's erection, up and down, for another few seconds before moving the cloth again, enough so that he could lean forward and take it into his mouth. He felt Byakuya's hands clench on his shoulders, and felt those sparks shoot through his reiatsu again. He moaned softly around the other man's cock and felt his own throb with longing. He ignored it as best he could for the time being, and let his mouth slide up and down. He let one hand rest on Byakuya's hip, and kept the other wrapped around the base of his cock, using his hand along with his mouth to create the sensation. He felt Byakuya's hands in his hair again, then, and moved his mouth faster, sliding his tongue over the sensitive head, teasing a little.

Byakuya kept his jaw clenched and let his eyes slide closed. His hands stayed in Renji's hair. He was actually surprised by how soft it was; it certainly didn't look like it would be. He forgot about the softness of Renji's hair, however, as the Vice-captain's _mouth_ moved faster. It had been many years since Byakuya had let anyone touch him at _all_, let alone like this. The sensation was almost too much to bear, but he couldn't bring himself to make Renji stop. Not now, not with how good it felt. He could feel his desire, as ever, mirrored in the Vice-captain's reiatsu. He liked the feel of it, though he wouldn't ever say it aloud.

Renji kept his mouth moving and moaned again when he felt the Captain's hands tighten once more. He could feel tension building between them and couldn't stand it anymore. He had no way of knowing if Byakuya was actually going to give him more than this, and his body was _screaming_ for it. He let his free hand fall away, dropping to untie the ties on his own clothing. He didn't stop his mouth moving around the Captain's cock, and he was finally able to move his own clothes away enough to wrap his free hand around his own erection.

He moved his hand in time with his mouth, figuring that at least they'd both get off at once, if nothing more. Byakuya was not one to miss details; even in the state he was in, he certainly noticed. But even Byakuya wasn't about to deny either of them this amount of pleasure. Not now.

It wasn't long before Renji's movements and their mixing reiatsu got to be too much for both of them. Now, it was definitely like a tidal wave between them; reiatsu crashing against reiatsu. Byakuya came just _seconds_ before Renji, his hands tightening in the redhead's hair again as he did so. Renji moaned around him, but managed not to choke - or make a mess. He did find himself wishing for a towel, though, as he pulled his mouth away and looked down at his hand.

Byakuya's fingers unwound from Renji's hair, slowly, almost as if he didn't want to let go. But he finally did, and he couldn't bring himself to meet the Vice-captain's gaze. This was too much, too fast, and highly inappropriate! Had he truly encouraged this? He couldn't believe his own actions. This had to end here. He had to do something to ensure that this did not continue, but he knew he would not. He was certainly not week, but there was something that stayed his hand in this matter. He knew without thinking about it that he was going to allow it to go on, as long as Renji could keep it a secret. He had a feeling that he could.

Renji found a towel on the nearby table. He cleaned off and tied his hakama back up, tucking his haori into it and finally looking back at Byakuya. By that time, of course, the Captain was fully dressed again, and standing on the other side of the room, facing away from him. Renji could feel some sort of conflict going on in his reiatsu, but he was really in no state of mind to analyze it. Renji, of course, wasn't embarrassed _or_ burdened by some secret, unexplained guilt. He had enjoyed it, and he had to admit - he wanted more than this. A lot more. There was something in Byakuya's stance that made Renji _seriously_ doubt that he was going to be receptive to more of this.

_Damnit, Taichou, what's your problem, anyway?_ he thought. Of course he didn't _dare_ say out loud.

He walked over to Byakuya and put a hand on his shoulder. He could feel the Captain tense as if he would pull away, but he didn't. That was actually kind of surprising.

The redhead studied the curve of the Captain's jaw from the angle he was standing at and realized that the tension was running all through him. Wait, hadn't he enjoyed it?!

"Taichou..."

"Renji, don't," Byakuya said. His voice was soft, but there was no room for argument in that tone.

Renji could feel himself get mad, at that. What the hell was this, anyway? Yeah, Byakuya was rich, and the Captain, and a million important things, but did he really think himself so far above _everything_ that he wouldn't even acknowledge any of this?

The Vice-captain pulled his hand away and crossed his arms.

"Why the hell did you let me come here if you won't even _look_ at me?" he said, not bothering to hide his annoyance.

Byakuya turned around, though somehow he managed to put a few feet between them when he did so, and regarded Renji with his practiced cold gaze. He was not quite angry; he knew how Renji could be. But there was a part of him that was a little annoyed that the redhead seemed to have forgotten what he said about patience.

"What reaction would have have from me, Renji? Do you want me to thank you? Do you want me to beg you for more? I will do neither."

Renji's mouth fell open at the callousness of the words. Maybe this was just a big fucking mistake then. And that made him mad as hell. But this time, there was no way he was going to look like an idiot in front of the Captain.

"Fine. How 'bout you let me know if you actually think about me, then? You know where to find me," he said, as coldly as he could manage.

He caught the change in Byakuya's face, but it was gone as soon as it had happened, and the Captain's coldness was, once again, all he was met with.

Byakuya crossed his arms. "Then I have nothing else to say to you, fukutaichou," he said.

There was nothing more infuriating than the way Byakuya used his title. He did it _just_ to be an arrogant pain in the ass, and Renji _hated_ it. He hated being talked to in that condescending way that Byakuya had. And after what had just happened!?

"Fuck this, then," he said, not caring that he'd said it out loud. He turned and stormed off, slamming the door behind him.

Byakuya thought about going after him simply for that display of disrespect, but it would accomplish nothing. And so he let the Vice-captain go. If it all ended here, then he could allow that, as well. Perhaps it was better this way.

Knowing it should end here did nothing to alleviate the misgivings about this argument that rose in him. He ignored them as best as he could and put his scarf and his kenseikan back on and went back to his actual bedroom. He knew he would find no sleep there tonight, but he'd gotten good at pretending...hadn't he?


End file.
